Begin personal log, Sunday April 19th, 111.
Kimochi flops down into a large and very comfortable sofa in her quarters. She looks worn out, but appears to be taking care of her appearance again.
These last few days have been... eventful.
I went to The Skyhook on Thursday to try and get back into the swing of things after the drama with Vincent. There I was, chatting to a Star Fraction pilot when Kelsy comes out of nowhere and tries to start a fight with me. I just told her to leave me alone, but some of the things she said really hurt... I needed to be alone for a while so I went into the board room to cool off.
After a while, Vincent came in... I didn't hear him initially, until he let out this horrible wracking cough, as if one of his lungs was dislodging itself. Inevitably, we argued and I cried. It got very heated... He bore his soul to me, and I did the same. All of a sudden, he collapsed and hit his head on the table. Kelsy ran in and started screaming at me... I didn't even touch him...
She sits up in the sofa and pours herself a glass of wine from a bottle on the low table infront of her while she speaks.
I called the emergency team up... His heart actually stopped for a good minute or so, but they eventually stabilized him. He's in the infirmary now, in a coma apparently. I spoke to Myrhial and told her what happened... She seems to believe me. She also thinks that the coma may have something to do with the drugs Vincent has been taking... He never did tell me what they where for, just that he needed them... What a mess.
She takes a sip of the wine and relaxes back into the sofa, crossing her legs.
...Despite everything, I hope he pulls through. I'm worried that if the medical staff figure out what it is that's keeping him in the coma, they'll hand him over to the DED and we'll never see him again. We have to move him to a more secure facility somehow...
I had some business to attend to in Ishomilken, so I decided to say hi to Rathera and Nausea... We had a huge heart-to-heart and I learned a few things I'd never known about Rathera... The poor girl is so naive and innocent in a way. She's also wound up so tight, I'm worried that she might break! I've decided to take it upon myself to teach her a few things that might help her relax a little more. As for Nausea, well... She's still Nausea. She seemed very concerned about me though, and among other things was more than happy to give me a hug and let me cry out the frustrations of the last month on her shoulder.
I also went to go meet Celes Tenebrae... Such an interesting woman. We ended up talking about how the Blood Raiders came to be what they are, and the motivations behind their violent nature. Despite everything, there are more than a few tenets of the Sani Sabik faith that I can't help but agree with... If I where at all religeous minded, I would have probably converted there and then. Celes seemed to take a shine to me... Perhaps because of my Khanid ancestry, or maybe just because I actually kind of sympethize with her situation... She gave me these.
Kimochi reaches into the neck of her dress and pulls out a Dark Blood Crystal Tag on a chain. The tag glitters in the light and makes a soft jangling noise.
I felt it would be rude to refuse such a beautiful gift, but I'll have to keep it hidden. I don't think the other directors would approve.
She unclasps the chain and removes it from her neck, placing it on the table.
I also spoke to Mortis last night about how exactly he came to join us. I suppose in retrospect it makes sense... The reasons might be different, but his problem is by no means a rare one. I know of at least one other person in Ghost Festival with a very similar... issue. Despite that though, he is a nice man and a good friend. I will do everything I can to help him with this, even if i'm unsure what exactly I could do about it.
Oh! And this morning, Mortis and I went for a little roam around Tzvi. My new Curse-class Combat Recon Cruiser - Raging Sin - has been refit and I decided to take her out to see what we can do. Mortis was flying a Vagabond. We managed to catch a Myrmidon on the acceleration gate to an installation in Tzvi and engaged... I managed to drain his capacitor very quickly and kept his drones busy with my own Warriors while Mortis tore into him with his autocannons. Overall I was very impressed with the abilities of the Curse... It's armour is surprisingly resilient, and I held out quite nicely while he had his drones attacking me.
She relaxes back into the sofa, with a genuine smile on her face.
It was a very satisfying kill... I think I'm feeling a bit better about everything too. It's nice to know that there are people out there who care enough about my feelings to talk to me about them. I think I'm going to be okay...
She smiles.
End log.
4/19/2009
4/15/2009
A New Friend
Begin personal log, 15th of April 111. Audio only.
I shouldn't have gone into The Skyhook last night... I caused a bit of a scene and upset a few people. I don't really remember much of it... Crash screwing with my memory again.
Myrhial confiscated my sidearm. I probably said a few things to her I shouldn't have... But what did annoy me was that Vince and Kelsy have basically told everyone that I threatened to kill them. I mean what the hell?? What is with these people, do they think that airing my dirty laundry infront of the entire fucking corp is funny or something?
I shouldn't have yelled at Myrhial though... She's only looking out for the safety of her pilots. I'll contact her today and apologize. Jude caught up with me a while later on the Garden Deck and basically explained how stupid I'd been. He tried to comfort me... Whenever I see them it feels like someone is reaching into my chest and squeezing my heart... Jude seemed to understand and told me a story about a girl he used to know and the rather messy situation he got into with her that ended painfully. I guess it helped a little...
Oh, I almost forgot. I recieved a letter today. An actual physical letter, written on paper and delivered by hand. I've never had one of those before, and I admit I was a little excited when I saw it. What can I say, it's the little things that please me the most...
It was from Celes Tenebrae, a Blood Raider from Molden Heath. Apparently she has a desire to connect more with people of Khanid blood and has invited me to meet with her. I know she's a Blood Raider, but I might take her up on the offer... Who knows, it might help take my mind off of things.
End log.
I shouldn't have gone into The Skyhook last night... I caused a bit of a scene and upset a few people. I don't really remember much of it... Crash screwing with my memory again.
Myrhial confiscated my sidearm. I probably said a few things to her I shouldn't have... But what did annoy me was that Vince and Kelsy have basically told everyone that I threatened to kill them. I mean what the hell?? What is with these people, do they think that airing my dirty laundry infront of the entire fucking corp is funny or something?
I shouldn't have yelled at Myrhial though... She's only looking out for the safety of her pilots. I'll contact her today and apologize. Jude caught up with me a while later on the Garden Deck and basically explained how stupid I'd been. He tried to comfort me... Whenever I see them it feels like someone is reaching into my chest and squeezing my heart... Jude seemed to understand and told me a story about a girl he used to know and the rather messy situation he got into with her that ended painfully. I guess it helped a little...
Oh, I almost forgot. I recieved a letter today. An actual physical letter, written on paper and delivered by hand. I've never had one of those before, and I admit I was a little excited when I saw it. What can I say, it's the little things that please me the most...
It was from Celes Tenebrae, a Blood Raider from Molden Heath. Apparently she has a desire to connect more with people of Khanid blood and has invited me to meet with her. I know she's a Blood Raider, but I might take her up on the offer... Who knows, it might help take my mind off of things.
End log.
4/14/2009
Love Letters
Begin recording.
A video recording begins to play. Kimochi is sitting at her desk in her quarters, the window behind her displaying a beautiful view of the planet below. Her eyes are red, and her hair is not the sleek well-groomed mane it usually is. Her cheeks glisten slightly in the light - she has been crying. She simply sits for a moment, unsure of what to say. Finally she begins to speak, her voice quivering everso slightly.
I got your message. I don't know exactly what you wanted to make me feel with it... With any of this. Maybe what you said was true and you did love me once, or maybe you just wanted to see me cry. Either way it doesn't really matter anymore, does it? You've made your decision...
There is another pause as Kimochi attempts to gather herself. Tears start to fall from her eyes as her emotions well up inside her. Her voice quivers with a slight tone of desperation as she bares her soul infront of the camera.
I loved you, Vincent Pryce! I loved you enough to give up a loving relationship for you! I opened my heart to you and told you things I would never tell anybody else. What did I do wrong? You said you loved me, but did you mean it? Where you just playing with me? Did you just not find me attractive anymore? I really tried to be loving and supportive, but I guess it wasn't enough for you, was it!?
She appears to calm down slightly, her mood shifting dramatically from intense sadness to seething anger. She frustratedly wipes her eyes with the back of her hand, smudging her makeup. She looks straight into the camera, her eyes narrowed, and her voice carries a kind of deadly menace rarely seen in her.
Well... What's done is done, and we all have to live with our choices. I hope you and Kelsy are very happy together and live long, dull, uninteresting lives. But take this as a warning, Vincent... Stay the fuck away from me or I swear to god... I will kill you both.
She stabs at a holographic control on her desk and the video message ends, displaying the Ghost Festival logo for a moment before the screen goes blank.
A video recording begins to play. Kimochi is sitting at her desk in her quarters, the window behind her displaying a beautiful view of the planet below. Her eyes are red, and her hair is not the sleek well-groomed mane it usually is. Her cheeks glisten slightly in the light - she has been crying. She simply sits for a moment, unsure of what to say. Finally she begins to speak, her voice quivering everso slightly.
I got your message. I don't know exactly what you wanted to make me feel with it... With any of this. Maybe what you said was true and you did love me once, or maybe you just wanted to see me cry. Either way it doesn't really matter anymore, does it? You've made your decision...
There is another pause as Kimochi attempts to gather herself. Tears start to fall from her eyes as her emotions well up inside her. Her voice quivers with a slight tone of desperation as she bares her soul infront of the camera.
I loved you, Vincent Pryce! I loved you enough to give up a loving relationship for you! I opened my heart to you and told you things I would never tell anybody else. What did I do wrong? You said you loved me, but did you mean it? Where you just playing with me? Did you just not find me attractive anymore? I really tried to be loving and supportive, but I guess it wasn't enough for you, was it!?
She appears to calm down slightly, her mood shifting dramatically from intense sadness to seething anger. She frustratedly wipes her eyes with the back of her hand, smudging her makeup. She looks straight into the camera, her eyes narrowed, and her voice carries a kind of deadly menace rarely seen in her.
Well... What's done is done, and we all have to live with our choices. I hope you and Kelsy are very happy together and live long, dull, uninteresting lives. But take this as a warning, Vincent... Stay the fuck away from me or I swear to god... I will kill you both.
She stabs at a holographic control on her desk and the video message ends, displaying the Ghost Festival logo for a moment before the screen goes blank.
4/11/2009
Regrets
Begin personal log, Saturday 11th of April, 111... Audio only.
There aren't many things I truely regret. Considering the rather terrible nature of some of the things I've done, that's rather essential for me to continue functioning as a person. One thing I do regret though, is letting my personal feelings get the better of me.
Vince has decided he doesn't want me anymore. He wants Kelsy instead... I'm not going to fight for him, in the interest of keeping things civil. I should have noticed this sooner really. The signs where there, and in hindsight it was all so obvious what he was doing... But my judgement was clouded by... By emotions I am not equipped to handle.
I... I Suppose I don't really have the right to feel this way about it. I put them through a lot, and a part of me can't help but wonder if this is some kind of retaliation on their part... To make me feel what they felt. If that's what they are doing, then it's worked. It hurts more than I thought it would... It's like... An acheing, bursting feeling in my chest that won't go away. I cant' remember the last time I cried this much.
I need to get the station Administrator to send the cleaners here... I let it all get to me a bit too much last night and I've broken a few things...
There is a deep, shuddering sigh. She sounds as if she is on the verge of tears again.
I am never going to let this happen again. This is the last time I ignore my better judgement and mix business and relationships together. I don't honestly know how I can face Kelsy and Vince now, but I'll have to try... I'm a director, I don't have the luxury of being able to avoid people. Even those who have hurt me.
The next few lines are spoken with a barely concealed bitterness, almost verging on hatred.
For what it's worth, I hope they are both very happy together... I don't want the act of having my heart ripped out to be for nothing.
End log.
There aren't many things I truely regret. Considering the rather terrible nature of some of the things I've done, that's rather essential for me to continue functioning as a person. One thing I do regret though, is letting my personal feelings get the better of me.
Vince has decided he doesn't want me anymore. He wants Kelsy instead... I'm not going to fight for him, in the interest of keeping things civil. I should have noticed this sooner really. The signs where there, and in hindsight it was all so obvious what he was doing... But my judgement was clouded by... By emotions I am not equipped to handle.
I... I Suppose I don't really have the right to feel this way about it. I put them through a lot, and a part of me can't help but wonder if this is some kind of retaliation on their part... To make me feel what they felt. If that's what they are doing, then it's worked. It hurts more than I thought it would... It's like... An acheing, bursting feeling in my chest that won't go away. I cant' remember the last time I cried this much.
I need to get the station Administrator to send the cleaners here... I let it all get to me a bit too much last night and I've broken a few things...
There is a deep, shuddering sigh. She sounds as if she is on the verge of tears again.
I am never going to let this happen again. This is the last time I ignore my better judgement and mix business and relationships together. I don't honestly know how I can face Kelsy and Vince now, but I'll have to try... I'm a director, I don't have the luxury of being able to avoid people. Even those who have hurt me.
The next few lines are spoken with a barely concealed bitterness, almost verging on hatred.
For what it's worth, I hope they are both very happy together... I don't want the act of having my heart ripped out to be for nothing.
End log.
4/03/2009
Rancor
Another video entry. Kimochi appears to be pulling on a pair of knee-high boots and tightening the laces as she speaks.
I really had no idea just how badly I'd screwed up my social life until last night. I spoke to Kelsy and Vince about everything that's happened over the last couple of months... I can't believe how much of a bitch I've been to both of them. The worst thing is that it's only the people I care about who are getting hurt. Honestly I deserve to be alone after all the shit I've put them through, but Vince refuses to let me go. He's sweet... I don't think he realizes what he's getting himself into though.
She finishes doing up the laces and stands up, walking over to a nearby dressing table. The camera hovers nearby, obviously mounted on a drone. She picks up a pair of long black gloves and wriggles her arms into them.
I've not slept for three nights. Every time I close my eyes I remember those... Those bastards... It's taken every ounce of willpower I have not to use Crash again and I don't know how much longer I can take this before something bad happens. Vince was right, I need closure...
She walks over to a chest of drawers and opens one. She pauses for a moment and picks out an item - a silver coloured laser pistol in a thigh holster. She takes out the pistol and checks it over, making sure the power supply is fully charged and the focussing lens is securely in place.
...I need revenge.
She clicks the casing back down over the weapon's internals and replaces it in the holster, strapping it to her right leg. She turns on her heel and heads to the door, picking up a knee-length leather coat on her way out. The door closes behind her, and the camera drone keeps recording for a few minutes before shutting itself off automatically.
I really had no idea just how badly I'd screwed up my social life until last night. I spoke to Kelsy and Vince about everything that's happened over the last couple of months... I can't believe how much of a bitch I've been to both of them. The worst thing is that it's only the people I care about who are getting hurt. Honestly I deserve to be alone after all the shit I've put them through, but Vince refuses to let me go. He's sweet... I don't think he realizes what he's getting himself into though.
She finishes doing up the laces and stands up, walking over to a nearby dressing table. The camera hovers nearby, obviously mounted on a drone. She picks up a pair of long black gloves and wriggles her arms into them.
I've not slept for three nights. Every time I close my eyes I remember those... Those bastards... It's taken every ounce of willpower I have not to use Crash again and I don't know how much longer I can take this before something bad happens. Vince was right, I need closure...
She walks over to a chest of drawers and opens one. She pauses for a moment and picks out an item - a silver coloured laser pistol in a thigh holster. She takes out the pistol and checks it over, making sure the power supply is fully charged and the focussing lens is securely in place.
...I need revenge.
She clicks the casing back down over the weapon's internals and replaces it in the holster, strapping it to her right leg. She turns on her heel and heads to the door, picking up a knee-length leather coat on her way out. The door closes behind her, and the camera drone keeps recording for a few minutes before shutting itself off automatically.
4/02/2009
Contemplation
A video log entry begins. Kimochi sits down heavily in a large comfortable looking chair behind a desk in her apartment. Behind her is a view of Tzvi IV through a huge window that stretches accross the entire length of the room. On the desk infront of her is a glass of red wine and a small data chip. She says nothing for a full three minutes, simply stares at the data chip and drums her fingers on the surface of the desk, deep in thought. Finally she speaks - her tone is dry, even clinical, which makes her choice of words seem more disturbing than they would normally.
I'm thinking about mass-murder.
She picks up the glass and has a good mouthful before continuing.
Recently some information has been brought to my attention concerning the names and whereabouts of a certain group of people... specifically, the families of three men named Gomoru Carassi, Lem Kerris and Darashem Rivers.
Even after all this time, they are still ruining my life. I can still remember what they did, how they made me feel. It's been haunting me more and more recently... corroding my self esteem and destroying my personal life. The fact that those three men are all dead doesn't seem to be helping.
Vince brought this information to me. He thinks that if these people where to be 'removed' that it would provide some kind of closure... Any normal person would just get psychological councelling. I still feel so angry about it... I want to make them all suffer for what those three men did to me. But do these people really deserve to die? Do I even have the right to pass responsibility for those three men's crimes on to their next of kin? Vince seems to think so... I don't really know what I think yet.
I need some time alone.
...End Log.
I'm thinking about mass-murder.
She picks up the glass and has a good mouthful before continuing.
Recently some information has been brought to my attention concerning the names and whereabouts of a certain group of people... specifically, the families of three men named Gomoru Carassi, Lem Kerris and Darashem Rivers.
Even after all this time, they are still ruining my life. I can still remember what they did, how they made me feel. It's been haunting me more and more recently... corroding my self esteem and destroying my personal life. The fact that those three men are all dead doesn't seem to be helping.
Vince brought this information to me. He thinks that if these people where to be 'removed' that it would provide some kind of closure... Any normal person would just get psychological councelling. I still feel so angry about it... I want to make them all suffer for what those three men did to me. But do these people really deserve to die? Do I even have the right to pass responsibility for those three men's crimes on to their next of kin? Vince seems to think so... I don't really know what I think yet.
I need some time alone.
...End Log.
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