Withdrawal

Begin personal log, Monday 26th of January, 111.

I killed a man today... Shot him in the chest with my 'ceremonial' laser pistol. I wouldn't mind so much - I've killed thousands of people before, albeit from within the safety of my capsule - but he was one of my own people. Dockmaster Jarred Kine to be precise.

I don't know what came over me. I'd just come back from exploring the Tzvi system in my Vengeance... I'd felt some weird vibrations from the port stabilizer again. When I docked I told him to get it fixed, to which he replied that "there should be nothing wrong with it". The next thing I knew, he was lying on the floor in a pool of his own blood with a fist-sized hole where his chest used to be.

There was no need for me to kill him. He was just doing his job, but I just felt so... angry that he had the nerve to disagree with me that my ship needed to be repaired. After all, I am the one who flies it, I should know better than anyone when something is wrong. But there was still no need for me to kill him. Why did I do that?

She pinches the bridge of her nose and closes her eyes for a moment.

I recieved an apology from Ethan Verone the other day for a comment he made in the IGS. I suppose I should feel privilaged, but all I feel at the moment is this... This hollowness inside me. The only real emotion I seem to be capable of feeling right now is utter blinding rage for absolutely no reason. I try to keep it in check around my peers... They don't need to know. Fortunately all that time hiding my true self back in the Ministry of War has given me an excellent poker face.

...I've not boosted since that night in The Last Gate. I really really feel the need to... Maybe just one, to calm my nerves a bit...

End Log.