Contemplation

A video log entry begins. Kimochi sits down heavily in a large comfortable looking chair behind a desk in her apartment. Behind her is a view of Tzvi IV through a huge window that stretches accross the entire length of the room. On the desk infront of her is a glass of red wine and a small data chip. She says nothing for a full three minutes, simply stares at the data chip and drums her fingers on the surface of the desk, deep in thought. Finally she speaks - her tone is dry, even clinical, which makes her choice of words seem more disturbing than they would normally.

I'm thinking about mass-murder.

She picks up the glass and has a good mouthful before continuing.

Recently some information has been brought to my attention concerning the names and whereabouts of a certain group of people... specifically, the families of three men named Gomoru Carassi, Lem Kerris and Darashem Rivers.

Even after all this time, they are still ruining my life. I can still remember what they did, how they made me feel. It's been haunting me more and more recently... corroding my self esteem and destroying my personal life. The fact that those three men are all dead doesn't seem to be helping.

Vince brought this information to me. He thinks that if these people where to be 'removed' that it would provide some kind of closure... Any normal person would just get psychological councelling. I still feel so angry about it... I want to make them all suffer for what those three men did to me. But do these people really deserve to die? Do I even have the right to pass responsibility for those three men's crimes on to their next of kin? Vince seems to think so... I don't really know what I think yet.

I need some time alone.

...End Log.

Trepidation

Begin personal log, Sunday 22nd of Feburary 111.

There is a very long pause. Kimochi's eyes appear to be slightly red and she is clearly not in a good mood.

...Yesterday was...

She stops again, apparently struggling for words. Eventually she begins talking again.

Last night I took part in the weekly training op. It was a huge success in every way... Not a single loss, and we managed four kills. First a Punisher that Milo caught at a belt. We tore his ship apart very quickly, and dispatched his pod when he refused to agree to a ransom. While we where waiting for our GCC to tick down, I noticed a Caracal had entered the system and appeared to be lingering around one of the planets. I was pretty sure I had pinpointed his location... Yishal started having some technical issues with her Crucifier so she temporarily made Myrhial the FC. On Myrhial's orders I investigated the Caracal's location, and found him floating around the planet at the 0km warp-in point.. I tackled, called for backup and opened fire, but he didn't respond at all. I can only imagine the terror on his crew's faces as their ship started to fall apart around them, while their pilot did nothing. Just for that we destroyed his pod as well.

Milo then had to dock up to deal with some technical issues of his own, and Yishal designated me as the scout. I admit I was nerveous... I've never had much faith in my ability to use the on-board scanner. After a few empty systems, I came accross a lone Vengeance who appeared to be safespotted in Roushzar. Not being able to probe out his location, Yishal suggested I antagonize some of the local Sanshas hanging around the asteroid belts to try and tempt him out of hiding. The ploy apparently worked when I noticed his location shift to the planet nearest to me. Apparently he was trying to work out which belt I was at. I decided to save him the trouble and warped to the planet myself...

As soon as I landed, the Vengeance came about and started powering towards me - clearly he was going to engage. I admit to being a little nerveous... Having flown a Vengeance myself, I know just how tough the Khanid ship's defenses can be. All nerveousness evaporated however when the pilot opened fire with pulse lasers of all things. Backup arrived and we destroyed the poor thing out of sheer pity. The pilot was not interested in a ransom, so we cracked his pod open as well. One less 24IC pilot. It seems I'm better with the on-board scanner than I thought.

Yishal decided it was time to RTB, so we made our way back home. On the way however, we spotted a lone Jaguar pilot scouring the asteroid belts in Lamaa. We all bundled in together, and I found myself laughing at the fact that he didn't immediately attempt to warp out when he saw six outlaws warping in to his belt some 30km away. His ship fell apart pretty quickly and we caught his pod which Yishal attempted to ransom... The guy seemed to take forever, and I found myself getting increasingly uncomfortable at the amount of time we where spent in the belt. When a 24IC fleet showed up in system I nearly killed the pilot myself until Yishal tightened the reins. Eventually the 24IC fleet passed through, clearly not looking for us, and Yishal finally gave the order to crack him open.

After a quick telling-off from Yishal for almost undermining her authority - She was the FC afterall, and I admit I was wrong - We headed back to base feeling immensely satisfied.

A little while lated I caught up with everyone at The Skyhook for a few drinks in celebration. We chatted about nothing in particular... Music, Hairstyles and alcohol where some of the subjects of conversation we flitted through. All of a sudden the lights dimmed low, slow music began playing and Vince asked me to dance with him.

I was... A little shocked, but to my own surprise - let alone everyone elses - I accepted, and we danced under the stars. It was... It was actually quite lovely in a way. It was like we where completely alone, just the music, the stars and eachother. I felt a bit out of place... A tight podsuit and heavy knee-high boots aren't exactly ideal dancing attire. Still... I enjoyed it. It was a perfect end to the evening.

Then he kissed me.

There is another pause as Kimochi appears to gather herself.

I don't know what came over me. When he kissed me I-I couldn't take it. I ran away and left him there on the dancefloor. I thought I was in control of all this... I thought I'd gotten over it. God-knows i'm used to manipulating people's emotions for my own gain, but I've not even tried with Vince.

Shit. What the hell is wrong with me?

She holds her head in her hands and sighs heavily.

End log.